IMMEDIATE SAFETY

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This is often harder to spot and more damaging long-term. It includes:

• Constant criticism or belittling 
• Gaslighting (making you question reality) 
• Silent treatment as punishment 
• Explosive anger followed by denial 
• Manipulation, guilt, or control 

You may hear:

• “You’re too sensitive." 
• “That never happened." 
• “You’re the problem." 

This creates confusion, and confusion is not from God.

“God is not the author of confusion…”  1 Corinthians 14:33

This keeps women trapped. It includes:

• Controlling all money and access 
• Preventing you from working 
• Taking your income 
• Forcing financial dependence 
• Hiding or sabotaging finances 

This is control, not provision. Biblical leadership provides; it does not imprison.

“Anyone who does not provide for their relatives… has denied the faith…”         1 Timothy 5:8

God does not design relationships where:

• You live in fear 
• Your voice is erased 
• Your safety is threatened 
• Your dignity is stripped 

Marriage is not a place of harm. Authority is not permission to destroy.

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21  

Mutual honor. Not domination. 

• ID, passport, Social Security 
• Birth certificates (you and your children) 
• Health insurance cards 
• Legal documents (if accessible)

• Cash (as much as safely possible) 
• Debit/credit cards 
• Bank account details

• Medications 
• A few days of clothing 
• Hygiene essentials

Timing matters more than courage.  

•  They are not home 
• They are asleep 
• They are distracted or occupied 
• You have a clear window to leave without being followed

This is where wisdom matters most.
Move as if you are going about a normal day. 

Do not signal change. 

Do not pack in obvious ways. 

Do not behave differently in a way that raises suspicion.

Keep your routine steady until the moment you go.

Once you leave:

• Do not return alone 
• Do not share your location widely 
• Limit communication to only safe, trusted people 

If you must communicate, keep it brief and neutral. 

PROTECT YOUR WHEREABOUTS 

After leaving, your location is your protection.

• Turn off location sharing on your phone 
• Avoid posting on social media 
• Do not check in or tag locations 
• Be cautious who you tell 

Even well-meaning people can unintentionally expose you. 

“When you are persecuted in one place, flee to another…” Matthew 10:23  

Even Jesus Christ stepped away from those who sought to harm Him. He did not stay to prove endurance.

God does not call you to remain where your safety is at risk. He calls you into truth, protection, and life.

“The Lord is my refuge and my fortress…”  Psalm 91:2  

Shelters are confidential, secure, and free in most cases.
They provide:

• A safe place to stay 
• Food and basic needs 
• Legal and emotional support 
• Help with next steps (housing, court, finances) 

To find one near you:

• Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (they will locate one for you) 
• Visit: https://www.thehotline.org → “Find Help” 
• Or search: “domestic violence shelter near me” (on a safe device)

 Dial 211 from any phone Or visit https://www.211.org. 211 will connect you to:

• Local domestic violence shelters 
• Emergency housing 
• Food and financial assistance 
• Legal aid and counseling 
• Childcare and family services 

It is free, confidential, and available in most areas 24/7.If 211 is not available in your area, they will redirect you.  

You will not be judged. You will not be forced to do anything.

They may ask:

• Are you safe right now? 
• Where are you located (city/state only is fine) 
• What kind of help do you need 

They can help you:

• Make a safety plan 
• Find a shelter immediately 
• Understand your options 

You can hang up at any time.

• Use online chat (many hotlines offer this) 
• Use a friend’s phone or a public computer 
• Clear your browser history afterward. 

If your phone is monitored, assume calls and texts may be seen.

Shelters are not what people imagine—they are structured, protected, and designed for recovery.

They typically provide:

• Private or shared rooms 
• Security measures (confidential locations) 
• Advocates who guide you step by step 
• Help with legal paperwork, benefits, and housing 

You are not “taking someone else’s spot.”
These places exist for moments exactly like this.

Most shelters:

• Accept children 
• Provide food, clothing, and support 
• Help enroll them in school if needed 

You do not have to figure that out alone.

Typically at:

• Your local courthouse (family court or district court) 
• Some areas allow online filing 

If you’re unsure, call:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 
• Or dial 211 to find your local court or advocate 

Ask for:

• Protective Order forms 
• Domestic violence assistance (many courts have advocates on-site) 

You will describe:

• What happened 
• Recent incidents 
• Why you fear for your safety 

Be:

• Honest 
• Clear 
• Specific 

Use your documentation if you have it.

In many cases:

• A judge reviews your request the same day 
• You may be granted a temporary order immediately 

This can provide instant legal protection.

You will be given a date (usually within days or weeks).

At the hearing:

• You present your side 
• The judge decides whether to extend the order 

Bring:

• Any documentation 
• Witnesses if available 
• Police or medical reports 

Depending on your case, it may:

• Remove him from the home 
• Prevent all contact 
• Set custody or visitation limits 
• Require distance (ex: 500 feet away) 

A protective order is powerful—but it is not a physical barrier.

Still:

• Stay aware 
• Follow your safety plan 
• Call police if it is violated 

Call 911 immediately.

Violation is a crime.

Do not:

• Negotiate 
• Ignore it 
• Give repeated chances 

The law is now involved—use it.

You do not have to do this alone.

Free help is often available through:

• Domestic violence shelters 
• Legal aid organizations 
• Court advocates 

They can:

• Help you fill out forms 
• Go to court with you 
• Explain everything step by step 

That is normal.

You are stepping into a system that may feel unfamiliar.

But remember:

You are not asking for permission to be safe.

You are establishing a boundary the law will enforce.

•  Write down what happened leading up to leaving 
• Save messages, calls, and threats 
• Keep everything organized 

This will help you later if legal action is needed.

Within these first days, begin considering:

• Filing a protective order 
• Understanding custody if children are involved 
• Knowing your rights 

You do not have to do everything at once, but start getting informed.

• Turn off location services 
• Do not post online 
• Ask trusted people not to share your whereabouts 

Even well-meaning people can accidentally expose you.

They need:

• Your presence 
• Reassurance 
• Simple routine 

Say:
“We are safe now.”

You do not need to explain everything yet.

These first 72 hours can bring the following:

• Fear 
• Relief 
• Guilt 
• Confusion 
• Urge to go back 

All of this is normal.

Do not make major emotional decisions in this window.
Focus on safety and stability.

• Do not go back alone “just to talk” 
• Do not tell him your location 
• Do not minimize what happened 
• Do not isolate yourself completely 

Stay connected to safe support.

• One phone call 
• One safe place 
• One next decision 

That is enough for now.

Do not meet him alone.
Do not reveal your location.

If you feel threatened, call 911 immediately.

Save everything he says or does.

Escalation is not your fault—it is a reaction to loss of control.

“The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear?” 

Psalm 27:1 (NIV)

It doesn’t always look violent at first.

It may look like:

• Repeated calls, texts, or showing up unexpectedly 
• Begging, apologizing, or promising change 
• Anger, threats, or intimidation 
• Using children, family, or friends to reach you 
• Tracking or trying to locate you 

Both “nice” and aggressive behavior can be part of escalation.

This is critical.

• Do not argue 
• Do not explain your decision 
• Do not try to “calm him down” 

Respond only if necessary—and keep it:

• Short 
• Neutral 
• Factual 

Or do not respond at all if it is not required.

Do not delete anything.

Save:

• Text messages 
• Voicemails 
• Emails 
• Social media messages 

This can become evidence for:

• Protective orders 
• Police reports 
• Custody cases 

• Do not open the door 
• Do not go outside to talk 
• Call 911 immediately if you feel unsafe 

If you are in a shelter or confidential location:

• Notify staff right away 

Take all threats seriously.

• Call 911 
• Document exactly what was said 
• Inform a legal advocate 

Do not assume he “won’t follow through.”

If you have a protective order:

• Report every violation 
• Do not ignore repeated contact 

If you do not have one yet:

• Consider filing as soon as possible 

The law creates boundaries that you do not have to enforce alone.

Stay connected to:

• Advocates 
• Hotlines 
• Trusted people 

Isolation increases risk. Connection increases safety.